Day 40 Wednesday Feb 9th

Dr. C. says Baby Tigger is breech and the sharp pain in my side is his head. I hadn't been trying to turn the the baby because at our appt. two weeks ago, we were told that he was head down and ready to go. Now I'm reading that I'm past the window of opportunity for him to turn. :o(

I had some contractions today, but they weakened after a few hours.

I feel out of sorts thinking about all the information I've been reading and discussing about breastfeeding, epidurals, C-sections, vaccinations, circumcision, and doulas. My head is spinning with confusion and anxiety.

I went to a LLL meeting last week hoping to meet some moms who might be willing to share some of their breast milk to relieve the stress and anxiety of how I'm going to feed and take care of this baby, but couldn't even bring myself to directly ask anyone. However, I told the group the reason I was there was to find the healthiest alternative to my own breast milk because short of a miracle, I'm not going to be able to breastfeed. I got some good information about baby wraps, but nobody offered their milk. I think they are convinced that everyone can breastfeed if they are dedicated and try hard enough. I am frustrated because I can't provide what this baby needs to get a healthy start in life. I HATE being weak in my body and mind, but feel powerless to change it. I'm having a really bad day. :o(

Ecclesiastes 9:11 I returned and saw under the sun that-the race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, nor bread to the wise, nor riches to men of understanding, nor favor to men of skill; but time and chance happen to them all.

I continue to pray for God to give me His perspective, and for His will to be done in my life and in this baby's life in spite of all my weaknesses and failures.